Now is the time for all the holiday commotion. Share these amusing Christmas quotes with others as a simple way to lift your spirits and remind them to laugh over the holiday season.
Naughty and Nice Quotes
- “It’s all fun and games ’til Santa checks the naughty list.” -Unknown
- “Santa Claus was exactly on the money. Only go see individuals once a year. Victor Borge
- “I was framed, Santa.” -Unknown
- “Dear Santa, tell me how much you already know before I explain.” -Unknown
- “Let’s be mischievous and spare Santa the journey.” -Gary Allan
Christmas Tree Quotes
- “Your Christmas tree’s size should never be a concern. They all appear to be thirty feet towering to children. –Larry Wilde
- “Nothing compares to chopping down your neighbor’s live Christmas tree in their yard.” -Dan Florence
- “Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle!” -Unknown
- “Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks.” -Unknown
Christmas Gift Quotes
- “Dear Santa, grant me a slender figure and a large bank account this year. You confused the two last year. -Unknown
- “Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” —Kin Hubbard
- “A simple holiday for kids can be ruined by adults.” A woman unwraps six prawn forks from her dog, who drew her name, after what started as a display of modest presents to amuse and surprise kids around the Christmas tree. –Erma Bombeck
- “It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.” -Unknown
- “A fruitcake is the worst present. People keep mailing each other fruitcakes even though there is only one in the world. Johnny Carson
- “Christmas is the time to get everything you can while it’s still good.” -A Charlie Brown Christmas, Sally Brown
- “Christmas is a wonderful season.I just witnessed as all of my money vanished out of thin air. -Unknown
- “You use next year’s money to purchase this year’s gifts during the Christmas season.” -Unknown
- “I adore Christmas. I get a tonne of amazing gifts that I am eager to share. –Henny Youngman
- “Knowing that tomorrow’s garage sales will be tomorrow’s Christmas presents is always comforting.” Milton Berle
- “Money is the perfect Christmas present, but the problem is that it cannot be charged.” –Bill Vaughan
‘Tis the Season
- “The holidays are not to blame. In August, you were overweight. -Unknown
- “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” –Andy Borowitz
- “Seeing others help others besides myself is the real spirit of Christmas.” —Jerry Seinfeld
- “I dislike office Christmas parties because I have to look for work the next day.” -Phyllis Diller
- “I’m only a morning person on December 25th.” -Unknown
- “One beautiful thing about Christmas is that we all experience it together, and it’s mandatory like a thunderstorm.” -Garrison Keillor
- “Why does Christmas resemble a typical workday? The obese person in the suit gets all the credit while you put in all the effort. -Unknown
- “Syrup, candy, candy canes, and candy corns are the four main food groups that we elves try to stay away from.” -Elf, Buddy the Elf
Quotes About Family and Friends
- “Dear Santa, it was my sister’s fault.” -Unknown
- “My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” -White, Melanie
- “Christmas is back. Let’s lift a love cup, wish everyone goodwill, and let them do the dishes. Wendy Cope
- “You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” –Maya Angelou
- “A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.” -White, Melanie
- “There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” Bob Phillips”You can catch up with people you haven’t seen in 20 minutes at the office Christmas party.” –Julius Sharpe
- “Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” -White, Melanie
- “This is that unique time of year when your entire family congregates in one location to gaze at their phones.” —Jimmy Kimmel