Strangely enough, no one is quite clear where the origins of small Johnny jokes are—none of them are from the legendary trickster Mister Shakespeare’s quill. But we have our own notion about the beginning. Would you like to hear it? All right, then, don’t be too shocked when we inform you that it’s children.
Yes, we believe that since little Johnny jokes mix straightforwardness and naivety, they are based on the thoughts and actions of youngsters. Of course, there’s one more evident reason to believe that this idea is plausible: the subject of these absurd jokes is, in fact, a child.
Browse our collection of the top clean and dirty Johnny jokes by scrolling down! Remember to cast your vote for the funniest jokes and tell your friends about this site if they could use a little humor.
#1
Little Johnny’s English class was studying punctuation this week. Johnny questioned, “Why are periods so important?” when they discussed menstruation. After informing him, the teacher enquired as to why he was interested. He claimed, “My mom passed out, and my father started yelling when my sister told us she missed a period.”
#2
Little Johnny has been the target of some of the bigger neighborhood guys’ taunts lately. The newest ruse involves giving Johnny the option of a nickel or a dime. The bigger lads tease Johnny because he constantly takes the nickel.
After noticing what is happening one day, Little Johnny is approached by a neighbor who remarks, “Those boys are making fun of you Johnny, don’t you realise that a dime is bigger than a nickel?”
Johnny beams and responds, “Yes I realise that, but if I took the dime they would stop doing it and I am up 20 bucks so far.”
#3
Asking, “Can I be punished for something I haven’t done?” Little Johnny addresses the teacher.
The instructor is taken aback. Naturally not, Johnny! That would be incredibly unjust.
Johnny feels a sense of relief. He responds, “That’s good to know, because I haven’t finished my homework.”
#4
After the break, Little Johnny is back at school. A few days later, Little Johnny’s dad receives a call from his teacher informing him that Johnny has been acting out at school. “Hang on a minute, I had Johnny at home with me for two months and I never phoned you once when he misbehaved,” his father tells the teacher.
#5
While doing her rounds during lunch, Little Johnny’s teacher notices him making faces at another child. “Johnny, when I was a young girl, I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way,” she says as she begins to speak severely to Little Johnny.
With a raised eyebrow, Little Johnny remarks, “Well, miss, you can’t say that you weren’t warned.”
#6
Little Johnny waits for the concert to start by sitting in the first row.
Someone asks: “Johnny, how did you manage to get a ticket to the concert?”
“I got a ticket from my sister,” Johnny responds.
“And where is your sister?” the friend queries.
“Back at home, looking for her ticket,” remarks Johnny.
Where Did Little Johnny Jokes Originate?
It’s difficult to pin down the origins of little Johnny jokes to any one nation because the concept of a child responding to inquiries in an innocent and sincere way is so widespread. Actually, there are now twice as many little Johnny jokes as there used to be, and they can be found in at least 26 different nations, from Romania to Indonesia and from Mexico to the Czech Republic.
The joke itself mostly stays the same; the only thing that varies is the protagonist’s name. Here are a few instances of how our Little Johnny is referred to throughout the world in case you were wondering:
- Argentina: Jaimito
- Croatia: mali Ivica
- Germany: Klein Fritzchen
- Finland: Pikku-Kalle
- Sri Lanka: Amdan
- Senegal: Mandemba
- Poland: Jasio
- Armenia: Vardanik
In essence, there is one Johnny for every 26 nations. And when you give it some thought, you realize how universally similar people’s sense of comedy is.
#7
When asked what he would do if he won the lotto, Johnny just sat back in his chair without responding. He declared that he would have a secretary to respond to inquiries if he won the lotto.
#8
For hours, Little Johnny’s new brother would not stop sobbing and wailing. He enquired as to his parents’ origins. “Oh, we got him straight from heaven,” they respond. “Jeez,” exclaimed Johnny. I understand why they expelled him.
#9
“How many dollars would you have if you had one dollar and you asked your father for another?” said the teacher. Johnny: “One dollar.” “You don’t know your math,” said the teacher. Johnny: “And you’re not familiar with my dad?”
How Old Are Little Johnny Jokes?
We are unable to determine their exact age because the earliest recorded reference of the Johnny joke was never recorded. Our best guess is that it’s fairly old, which is obviously not a response.
Even though it’s not in the written word, we do know exactly when tiny Johnny rose to fame on the big screen.
Pierino, often known as Little Peter, was Johnny’s Italian equivalent who rose to fame in the 1970s and 1980s thanks to four outrageous comedic films that were based on the character. Three other films with the character were produced as a result of the 1981 film “Pierino Contro Tutti,” which was the first to be shown in theaters. It’s important to note that these films were undoubtedly intended for an adult audience because they featured a comprehensive dirty little Johnny jokes collection.
#10
Instructor: “Can you tell me something important that didn’t exist 100 years ago?”
#11
“Which tense is the sentence ‘I AM BEAUTIFUL’ in?” the English teacher asks the class.
Little Johnny responds, “That’s definitely past tense.”
#12
Teacher: “What is half eight times?”
“Up and down or across?” asked Little Johnny.
Instructor: “What do you mean?”
Little Johnny’s Answer: “Well, up and down makes a 3, or across the middle leaves a 0!”
Who Makes Little Johnny Jokes?
Everyone can make the little Johnny jokes because they are so universal. Just be cautious to select the ones that are acceptable for the situation!
While many of these jokes are perfectly OK for children of all ages, there are also a number of really explicit little Johnny jokes floating about. Before sharing the joke with others, we recommend reading it in its entirety.
#13
“So, Johnny, what have you been up to at school today?”
Mom, I really don’t want to talk about it. In any case, it will be covered by the news later.
#14
If any student has ever felt foolish, the teacher urged them to get up. Johnny sighed and got to his feet. “So Johnny feels stupid sometimes?” she questioned. “No, but it must be difficult for you to stand alone,” he retorted.
#15
Instructor: “Now Little Johnny, be honest, do you say your prayers every night before dinner?”
Johnny’s response: “No miss, my mother is a really good cook.”
#16
Teacher: “What would you have if you received ten dollars from ten different people?” “A new bike,” said Johnny.
#17
“What is an island?” asked the teacher.
“A piece of land that is surrounded by water except on one side,” said Little Johnny.
Instructress: “On one side?”
“Yes, on top!” exclaimed Little Johnny.
#18
Little Johnny’s profanity alarmed the teacher. “I want you to never speak to me in that manner again. Where in the world did you find it? “From my dad,” Johnny uttered. He ought to be ashamed of himself, then. You have no right to speak in that manner, either. You’re not even aware of its meaning. “Yes,” replied Johnny. It indicates that the car won’t start.
#19
For the tenth time that evening, Little Johnny was put back to bed, and his mother is not amused. “Johnny, you are going to get into a lot of trouble if I hear you say, ‘Mommy, I want this, mommy, I want that,’ even one more time! Tonight, I don’t want to hear the word “mommy” spoken. You now head off to bed! After a little silence, Johnny replies, “Mrs. Lambden, I would like a glass of water, please,” with hesitation.
#20
A preschool Sunday school teacher stated to her class that by the following Sunday, she hoped every student would know one fact about Jesus. She questioned each youngster in turn the next week about what they had learnt.
It was Susie who said, “He was born in a manger.”
Bobby said, “He threw the money changers out of the temple.”
“He has a red pickup truck, but he doesn’t know how to drive,” Little Johnny remarked.
“And where did you learn that, Johnny?” the teacher enquired, curious.
“From my father,” Johnny uttered. “Daddy yelled at this red pickup truck that drove out in front of us yesterday when we were traveling down the highway, saying, ‘Jesus Christ! “Why don’t you pick up driving?”
#21
“Johnny, where is your homework?” the teacher asked.
John: “I’m very sorry, I don’t have it here.”
“How come?” asks the teacher.
“I ate my exercise books,” said Johnny.
Instructor: “How dare I? Why would you act in this manner?
“The dog refused to,” said Johnny.
#22
When Little Johnny gets home, he tells his father, “Dad, the school is having a special ‘Adults’ evening.’”
“Really?” asks a surprised Daddy. Unique?”
It will be just the two police officers, the headmaster, the teacher, and you, Johnny nods.
#23
Instructor: “What is the most common phrase used in school?”
“I don’t know!” said Little Johnny.
Instructor: “You’re right!”
#24
Instructor: “If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what is 4 + 4?”
Little Johnny’s response: “That’s not fair you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!”
#25
“I hope I didn’t see you looking at Tommy’s test paper,” said the teacher. “Hopefully you didn’t see me either,” said Johnny.
#26
“Where was the French – English peace treaty from 1800 signed?” Little Johnny’s history instructor queries.
Little Johnny: “Left corner bottom.”
#27
Little Johnny said to his parents one day that he was prepared to live on his own. Right up until Johnny said, “Great, I left your luggage next to the front door,” they were incredibly supportive and proud of him. See you later!
#28
Teacher: “What channel is English on?” Johnny: “I’m not sure. It’s not picked up by my television.
#29
Instructor: “Little Johnny, you are late to class again.”
Johnny’s response: “But miss, you said that it is never too late to learn.”
#30
Mother: “Johnny, you’re going to have very naughty kids if you continue being this way!”
Johnny “Oh mom, didn’t you just betray yourself there?”
#31
Why didn’t George Washington’s father punish him for taking down the cherry tree, the teacher questioned. Simple, Little Johnny remarked. while George was holding the ax.
#32
As the preacher’s long and boring speech goes on and on, Little Johnny is growing increasingly restless and bored in the pew.
He can take no more of it, so he leans in to talk to his father and says, “Hey, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”
